She Moves In Mystreious Ways

For those readers of my blog who have been around for a long time, the following tidbit will mean something. For new readers, it won't make any sense unless you head back into the archives for the complete story.

I spoke with Chloe on the phone last night for about 3 hours. It's been about 4 months since I last heard from her, so this was very unexpected. You'd think after that long conversation that I had all my questions answered, but I don't. In fact, I think I have more. Maybe one day it will all be explained to my satisfaction, but in the meantime, I'm happy to know it wasn't all in my head.

Depending on how the next few days go, I may write more about this. That should give you time to brush up on your Chloe/Shane history.

Survivor Night

Among my Reality TV loving friends, Thursday has been Survivor Night for many years now. It's mostly an excuse to get together at least once a week to socialize, but we like the show too.

Desserts or snack food are always available, such as the classic 7 layer dip.

The Dandy Warhols Rule

In case you weren't aware, The Dandy Warhols album "Dandy Warhols Come Down" is one of the best albums of all time. I've loved this band since before they received radio play (which makes me cooler than you of course). I've listened to this CD so many times, and it never gets old. I highly suggest you step away from your keyboard (afk) and get this CD. You can thank me later.

Oh yeah, and here I am with the Dandys:

Gambling Ruined Our Friendship

That's right, gambling destroyed the friendship held between 10-12 guys almost overnight. You're probably thinking that things got out of control, bets were made in haste, and several people signed over the title to their cars or gave up season tickets. But that's not the case.

My group of friends played Texas Hold 'Em, tournament style, so nobody ever lost more than $20 bucks. It was an opportunity for the guys to hang out together once a month, eat junk food, play some cards, and talk about guy stuff. It was really the only time I got to see most of them, so when Poker Night ended, so did my interaction with the group. Friends became acquaintances, and later, people I used to know.

So how did gambling ruin our friendship? It didn't. It was NOT gambling that ruined our friendship. Due to religious reasons, we all decided to give up gambling altogether. (for the most part) Without a monthly game to bring us all together, everyone sort of went their separate ways. While girls have a plethora of reasons to congregate and talk any day of the week, there are very few events that can mobilize a group of guys together to do the same thing.

Here's a phone call you'll never hear:

Me: Hey Joey, what's up?
Joey: Not much, what's going on?
Me: Hey, I was thinking. Why don't we get the guys together this Friday night at my place.
Joey: Sounds great. What for?
Me: Oh, you know, to talk and eat snacks.
Joey: Um, you're not going to "come out" to us or anything are you?
Me: No! I just thought it would be cool to hang out and get to know each other better.
Joey: Ah, I think that's my other line. I'll get back to you.

As you can see, there are very few reasons guys can get together for an evening without appearing gay. Now, if we were gay, this would all be a moot point, but alas, we're not.

Sure, there are things like video games, watching sports, and BBQ's that sufficiently qualify as non-gay enough to warrant us hanging out. But there are two problems with these:

1. Most wives/girlfriends want to come

2. Even if they don't want to come, most wives/girlfriends won't give the "ok" for these activities.
For some reason, only "Poker Night with the guys" elicits a green light from the ladies for their guy to have a night off. At least that's how it was with our group. I'm still single, so this was never a problem for me. But since most of my friends and my friend's friends are married, Poker Night was one of the few times I could hang out with them. Giving up playing Poker (which I loved) was tough, but giving up my friends was even tougher.

Mystery Revealed! ...well, partially.

Aug 4th - Thur: 6:20pm

My phone rings and it's Chloe. Silence and then a hang up. I call back and someone actually ANSWERS!!! A minute and 30 seconds go by with nothing on the other end and me saying whatever comes to my head. Then a hang up.

6:38pm

Phone rings--Chloe again. I had prepared some stuff to say to whoever was listening on the other end, but instead, it was Chloe in a really weak voice!!!! I was stunned beyond belief. I honestly thought I would never hear from her again. I could tell it was difficult for her to talk, and I had a difficult time understanding her. We spoke for almost 40 minutes. Here's what I was able to piece together.

She had an insulin overdose that did something serious to her after she left to see me on Saturday. She pulled over when she started feeling sick. I'm not sure what happened after that, but I do know she's recovering at a center in Pennsylvania. She was being treated at a hospital there.

Her brother is supposed to call me tonight to tell me what happened. I hope he does. I wanted to ask a zillion questions, but she could barely talk and I wanted her to rest. I'll call her again tomorrow.

I can't explain how much of a relief it is to at least know what happened. She assured me she's getting better, but I'll feel better myself if her brother tells me the same thing.

I realize this story sounds totally unbelievable, but why should I expect anything different. Relationships have never come easy for me, when they've come at all. I feel stupid for having published everything for the world to read, but at the time, I didn't think I would ever find out what happened.

I'll report back tomorrow on anything new.

Will It Ever End?!?!?!?!

Wed, Aug 3rd - 11:27 pm

My vibrating phone wakes me out of a deep sleep. I reach for it in the dark, squinting at the name on the display. WTF? It's Chloe! (Rene = Chloe by the way... I'm done using aliases) I answer, hello? Hello? Hello? Nothing. Twenty-seven seconds of nothing to be exact. Just dead air and me saying hello. Am I dreaming? No. I check the call history and sure enough, it shows Chloe under calls received.

I call back multiple times to no answer. Only the usual 5-6 rings and then voice mail. I force myself back to sleep.

11:37 pm

My phone vibrates once. I'm just barely drifting to sleep. I grab it and check the display. 1 missed call. It's Chloe again. There's no way I missed it, but somehow it didn't go through. It doesn't matter. I call back a few more times and then give up. Takes me much longer to fall back asleep.

Thur, Aug 3rd - 6:57 am

I just arrived at work and try calling her cell from my desk phone. "The PCS number you have dialed is temporarily not in service." Oh no. I knew it was coming, but I didn't think it would be this soon. If this is permanent, and not temporary, then what does it mean? Is it simply turned off? Did someone cancel her service, and why? Does this have anything to do with last nights calls? STOP FREAKING SCREWING WITH ME AND TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!!!!!

The Case of the Missing Girl

I have a mystery story for you today.

There was this guy named Corbin who started chatting with this cool girl named Rene one day. (names have been changed to protect the innocent) They had chatted years ago, but lost touch. Corbin had since deleted Rene's name from his friend list, but for some reason, Rene had not deleted Corbin's. So years later, Corbin received an IM asking who he was and why he was on her friend list.

After a week of enjoyable chat, things moved to the phone. Soon they were talking everyday, several times a day, sometimes for several hours. He was having to charge his cell phone battery multiple times a day. Corbin had never had so much in common with another girl before. It was great. The best part was that Rene would soon be moving from her home state to Corbin's to go to school.

After a month, both agreed it was time to meet in person. Rene made plans to fly out on a Friday. They would drive up to a nearby ski resort town and spend the weekend playing in the mountains. Both were very excited about it. Friday arrived, and despite a delay due to a lost cell phone, Rene called to say she was on her way over. She had stopped in at her cousin's place about 30 minutes away.

But Rene never showed up. Hours passed without hearing from Rene. Corbin became very worried, especially because he only had one way to contact her--her cell phone, which she wasn't answering. The fantastic weekend plans were quickly turning to dust. Making the decision to go to bed was tough. Corbin's bags were packed, he hadn't heard from Rene, and he had no idea if she was even ok.

Eventually he drifted off to a restless sleep. Around 2:00 am, his cell phone rang. It was her! He discovers she passed out in the garage as she was about to drive over. She had hit her head on a step and put a gash in her forehead. See, Rene has diabetes and she had been neglecting her insulin levels. Her father died the week before, and she hadn't been her usual self.

Her relatives called 911 and an ambulance took her to the hospital where she received six stitches. At 2:00am, she was back in bed at her cousin's house, and the drama looked like it might be coming to an end. She made Corbin promise to call her in the morning. He said he would and they went to sleep.

After a terrible night's rest, Corbin called Rene several times in the morning, and was just beginning to worry again when he finally reached her at 9:30. She assured him that she felt ok and that everything was fine. They would salvage the rest of the trip and laugh about all this later.

Around 11:30, Rene called to say she was on her way over--for the second time. An eerie feeling of deja vu crept over Corbin, but he brushed it aside. I mean, after all, how much bad stuff can happen to two people trying to start a relationship? Corbin set about preparing to meet Rene, again. Pulled a few things from his packed bags, now that the trip was shortened. Then he waited.

And waited. Then waited some more. Then the sick, stressful, worried feeling from before all came flooding back. He called Rene a dozen times--no answer. He killed time playing video games. Anything to get his mind off of Rene and what might have happened to her.

After awhile he started searching on the Internet and making phone calls--all to figure out what happened. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't find a number of anyone who knew Rene. He called every hospital in the area, yet none had any record of her. Not Saturday or on Friday. Again he went to bed not knowing where Rene was and if she was ok.

Sunday morning he spent following up several leads, checking with the police, and just wondering. Every path lead to a dead end. Still no answer on her cell phone. Sunday came and went without any new information. Monday arrived, the day she was supposed to fly back, and still no word from Rene.

Is Rene dead? In a coma? Does she exist? Is she trying to punish Corbin for some unknown, demented reason? Did she fly home? Does anyone in Rene's life know Corbin exists and how they can reach him? These are questions left unanswered. I hope one day there's a Chapter 2 to this story where the mystery is explained.

The Brian Jonestown Massacre

I don't go to many shows these days, but I made an exception for this one. In fact, I drove over an hour to SLC on a work night, so you know I wanted to see them. Arrived in time to see the entire opening set of The Quarter After, which was a mistake. They were quite boring and bland--not sure why Anton (of the BJM) let them on the tour, as he is very picky about music.

The Velvet Room is a pretty cool place to see a show. The stage is huge and the place is big enough to accommodate a large crowd, yet you still have that intimate club feel. I went to the front of the stage for the second band, The Warlocks. I'd heard their stuff before and was impressed, and they were pretty good live. Had it not been for the poor sound mix, they would have been great. Instruments drowned out the vocals. They are a seven member band, including two drummers and two sexy seductresses on keyboards and bass.

Fortunately, Anton was in good spirits tonight. I saw him shuffling around the club throughout the night, and then he had a nice chat with his mom on stage before they went on. Anton's not your normal rock star. The more I think about it, he seems to be a cross between a schizophrenic perfectionist and autistic. Mix that with plenty of alcohol, and you're never quite sure what will occur on stage.

Thankfully, tonight's crowd was mostly well behaved and didn't try to antagonize him into walking off stage, fighting with his band, or kicking an audience member in the head, as has happened on many other occasions. We did get to witness a classic Anton moment though when he abruptly stopped midway through a song and reprimanded his band mates for f-ing it up. After a quick audience vote, it was decided that they would do the song again instead of moving on.

Anton keeps a very tight reign on his band members, which is why so many (dozens) of them have moved on to other projects, The Warlocks being one of them. The only unchanging feature of the BJM is Anton himself and the music. Speaking of the music, it was great last night. The sound was really good and Anton was pitch perfect as always. My only complaint, and it's a small one, is when they let a song go on for far too long, doing one of those extended jams at the end. I hate those.

Overall a great show. I'm glad I went, even if I didn't get home until 2:00 am and only got 3 hours of sleep last night. I just need to make it through today and then crash for a nap after I get home.

Kayaking on Provo River

Dave and Julie drove down this morning to garage sale with me. We both found some good bargains. Drove back with Dave to his house to help him put together his shed. Worked for a couple hours and then loaded my kayaks into his truck and headed up Provo Canyon. (FYI: These are the sit-on-top style of kayaks)

Because of all the snow and rain we got this year, the river is higher and faster than I've ever seen it. It would have been suicide to try running the lower section. Above the damn near Nunn's Park it was much calmer. We left my car there and drove up to just below Deer Creek Reservoir where others were launching rafts and kayaks.

I gave Dave a quick lesson on steering and we were off. The flow was pretty fast and there was nice spacing of rapids along the whole way. Dave flipped over twice, but managed to hold onto his kayak and paddle until he could climb back in. With the snow melt, the water was quite cold.

The scenery was beautiful along the way. It was a great time to go because the river will probably never get this high again for a long time. As it was we had to lay flat against our kayaks to slide under one bridge. Exited the river at the damn and made the mistake of getting out on the wrong side of the river. Had to hike a ways down a trail with the boats before crossing to the other side at a bridge.

I foolishly locked my keys in Dave's truck back at the top, but we managed to hitch a ride with some guys. We rode in the back of their truck with a friendly black lab. Drove back down, loaded up the gear, then hit Carl's Jr. for some dinner. Love their criss-cut fries. Drove home after--sunburned, sore, and tired. Great day though.

Cat Tales

It was a rough day at work yesterday. I had a friend at lunch tell me the cat might start screaming out, drawing attention to it. What if it died in the cage? What if it pooped all over itself?

Then my uncle, who is a true animal lover, offered me $200 to release the cat and never do this again. While it was a very generous and tempting offer, I decided I'd rather not drive around in a dirty car for years to come. Besides, it put me in the worst mood every morning right before driving to work. Since I'm already prone to severe road rage, the last thing I need is an additional catalyst before I even get behind the wheel.

I called Animal Control to schedule a pickup after work, but they told me they don't schedule. They just come when they can. Plus, they aren't allowed to go into a garage or shed. They said I'd have to bring it in myself or keep it another day. Great! The last thing I wanted to do is move the cat around again or worse, put the fur shedding machine inside my car.

Pulling into the driveway, I was dismayed to see the old lady next door pulling weeds in her front yard... within perfect view of the shed and my car. I went inside to think. Decided to get the cat some water asap. Brought a bowl out and opened the door. Thankfully the cat was ok and there was no poo in sight. Cracked the cage door open enough to slide the water bowl in, but the car went crazy again and knocked it over. Fine.

My window of opportunity arrived when my neighbor hobbled inside for a drink or something. Placed a towel down in my trunk and grabbed the cage. I wore leather gloves this time so I could hold the cage better without fear of being clawed. I have to admit, I did feel guilty when I shut the trunk on the poor kitty. Reminded me of a scene from Goodfellas.

I was just in time, as the old lady was making her way back out. Quickly started up the engine and turned on the stereo to cover up any potential cat noises. Drove across town to Animal Control. Thoughts that went through my head on the way there:

1. What if I get pulled over and the cop says: "Pop the trunk"
2. What if the cat pukes all over my interior?
3. What if I get rear ended?
4. What if the cat passes out from the heat? I'm not giving it mouth to mouth.
5. What if the owners are there looking for their cat when I arrive?

None of that stuff happened.

The cat was calm when I brought it out of my trunk, probably because of the blinding sunlight. Carried it inside and got my $50 deposit back. Not that it will make cat lovers feel any better, but the cat wasn't wearing a collar, nor was it groomed in any way. It was a huge ball of fur that hadn't been brushed in ages and looked to be a wild cat from all appearances.

And so ends my cat story. At least I hope it ends here.

The Caged Lion

Last night I moved the trap to a new location behind the shed in the grass. I wanted to make the cat think I was trying to hide the tuna from him. (It's all about getting into the mind of the cat) This time I slid the tempting tuna as far back as it could go in the cage, ensuring maximum exposure to the pressure plate. I also set the latch so that it was barely holding the door open. Everything was perfect.

Once again, I dreamed of cats. I was running late for work this morning, so I didn't check the trap until I was ready to leave. As I turned the corner behind the shed, I came face to face with a gigantic lion colored cat staring right at me. He looked cute and friendly, and I started to feel a little bad about the whole thing.

Realizing I couldn't leave him out there until I got home from work, I decided to lock him up in the shed. Don't want his delinquent owners finding him before the city picks him up. I did my best interpretation of The Cat Whisperer as I approached the cage. No dice. The cat went ballistic--hissing, baring its fangs, clawing at me, and banging its head against the door to get out.

My heart was pounding as I nimbly grabbed the handle and carried the caged cat into the shed. The beast must have weighed 30 pounds. Set the cage in the middle and latched the door behind me. I'll have them come by this afternoon to pick him up. Hopefully the neighbors won't see what's going on and seek retribution. Hopefully nobody will claim him and I won't have a pissed off, cage-wise cat sharpening its claws on my canvas top in a few nights.

Cat 1 -- Shane 0

Forced myself to shower and dress before heading outside to view my handiwork. Would there be a cat waiting inside my cage? Would it be alive? Dead? Would the trap be sprung but no prey? Might a neighbor have come by and stolen the cage in protest?

Alas, none of these were the case. Instead, the cage lay there untouched, trap door ready to spring shut at any moment. What wasn't untouched was the pile of tuna I left for the pussy. No trace of it anywhere. Somehow, the cat entered the cage and scarfed down my treats without applying enough force on the pressure plate to spring the door shut behind it.

Even though he escaped this time, it's still good news. The tuna missing and abundant new f-ing paw prints all over my car are sure signs the cat was here last night, and will be returning tonight for more fish and vandalism. I'll be ready this time. I'll have that trap primed so that the slightest touch will send it snapping closed. Looks like I'll be having a tuna sandwich for dinner again tonight.

The Trap is Set

Spoke with the nice folks over at the Animal Shelter today on the phone and they informed me I could pick up a cat trap today with a $50 deposit. After stopping for cash on my way home from work, I paid them a visit. I couldn't believe the racket coming from the back room. Sounded like an Alaskan dog sled race going on back there.

Slid my $50 bucks across the counter and in no time at all I was on my way home with a metal cage and high hopes. Arrived home, opened tuna can, put a nice pile on the lid, set the trap, baited it, and am now using all my willpower not to check the trap every 5 minutes.

If/when I catch the cat, I can call to have it picked up. My only fear is that the owners will claim it and then I'll have a trap savvy cat on my hands. I'll cross that bridge when I have to.

Joy Won't Give Up

Joy makes a last ditch effort to recruit my help.
-------------------------------------------------

Dearest,

I cares, it is left for you to tell me if you want to help me or not. I cares for you and I want to meet you soon.

Sincerely yours

Joy
--------------------------------------------------

"I cares" -- Joy cracks me up. Here's my reply to her.

Joy,

Your e mails seem sincere, yet you appear to ignore what I ask of you. I was only hoping to get to know you better through pictures and questions. It would have been nice to receive more complete answers and the photos you promised.

Shane

Elvis Lives

Posing with Elvis during our last Vegas trip.

Pictures of a Dead Man

Joy wrote me over the weekend. I'm amazed at how patient they are being with me. Once I squeeze a few more fake pictures out of them I'll up the ante.
---------------------------------------------------------
[Dearest Shane,

I am always happy each time I read your email and I want to thank you for your cares.
I am getting better now but I will still visit the hospital tomorrow.]

She's gonna blow her whole wad on hospital fees before she even leaves the country.

[Regarding your question, I am a Christain and I worship with the Appolostolic Christ.]

Not bad. I need to make it harder to answer next time.

[I will send you the pictures of my late father by tomorrow.]

Huh?!?! At what point did I say: "Hey Joy, send me some pictures of your dead father"?

[I have lost some of the pictures I took with them before their death. But I will send you the pictures tomorrow.

Sincerely Yours
Joy.]

I can hardly wait.

Here is my reply:
-------------------------------------------------

Joy,

It's a good thing you have so much money in the bank so that you can pay for all these hospital fees. Do they have medical insurance down there?

I'm not very familiar with the Appolostolic church. What are your beliefs about where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going? How do you become a member? I don't think I mentioned it before, but I'm Jewish.

I think it will be nice to see a photo of your father, but as I've mentioned many many times before, I'd much rather receive some more pictures of you out and about. Just some normal photos of you at your home, outside, or with friends. I'd be glad to do the same if you request it.

Hope to see them soon,

Shane
-------------------------------------------

Your move Joy...

More Excuses

My patience is running thin with Joy's excuses. Here's today's response:

[Dearest Shane,

I am happy reading your email today and i want to thank you for your cares. you are wellcome from your trip and I'm happy that you are are doing fine.]

Just wait till I drop the bomb about me losing my shirt in Vegas.

[Honey, I have been very sick since three days now and I have to be admited at the hospital because one of the sisters in my church saw my condition and helpt me and sent me to the hospital.]

She hasn't mentioned church until now. I'm going to make her elaborate about her religion.

[The doctor said that I have high blood preasure but I am getting better. I just manage to come out to send you this email and also say "Hollo" to you.]

"Ah, nurse. I'd like to be wheeled to the nearest Internet cafe please." Hollo to you too Joy.

[I will send you my picture as soon as I leave the hospital. After this email, I have to return back to the hospital because I have to finish with my drugs as the doctor recommended me.]

She must be smoking some serious crack back at the hospital if she still thinks this is a legit conversation between a con artist and a wealthy sucker.

[I called the offfice of Dr. Williams and he told me that as soon as he receive the documentation fee from you, he will obtain the transfer documents in your name and I want you to please hurry up ok.]

Speaking of hurrying up: SEND ME THOSE PHOTOS AND STOP GETTING SICK!!!

[I love you so much and I will be very happy to meet with you face to face.]

Sincerely yours,

Joy]

Whoa! I think we just expanded our relationship.

Here's my reply:

-----------------------------------------------------

Joy,

I'm sorry to hear about your ill health again. Are you sure your government will let you leave
the country in such poor condition? I'm glad you have the help of your church to fall back on. What religion do you belong to and what are some of your beliefs?

Hope to see the pictures we've been talking about soon.

Shane
------------------------------------------------------------

That's right. Not a single mention of the money or Dr. Williams. It's going to drive them nuts. Plus, now they have to come up with a bunch of religious mumbo jumbo... and when they do, I'll spring on them that I'm Jewish and I'm not sure my rabbi will approve of our relationship. Bring it Joy.

Dragging My Feet

Here are my replies:

Dr. Williams,

I've been swamped at work since getting home from Vegas. I have a work deadline that I have to meet by the end of this week. I'll get that document and payment to you as soon as possible. Thanks for understanding,

Shane

-----------------------------

I decided to put Dr. Williams off a bit so I can make Joy squirm a bit more:

Joy,

Vegas was an interesting trip. I'll have to tell you about it later when I have more time. I've been really busy at work since I got back. I have an important deadline to meet by the end of this week.

I got your picture but was saddened to find it was simply a close up of a previous photo you sent. Was it rude of me to ask for the pictures I wanted before?
I hope not, because I'd love to see more of you in your everyday life with friends, family, and around your city.

I'm hoping to get Dr. Williams everything he needs soon.

Shane
--------------------------------

My goal with this e mail was to sound more distant than before, as if I'm losing interest, which I am. Since she said new photos were on the way, I want to motivate her to send those. After that, my plan is to fabricate a story about how I lost everything in Vegas, including my house and car. I'll say how I was too ashamed to admit it before, and therefore cannot come up with the money to pay the document fees. I'll ask her to loan me some money from her fund to cover the fees (by Western Union money order of course) and see how they react.

Now I'm Growing Impatient

My interest with the scammers is growing thin. It's becoming too much work to counter their attempts to steal my imaginary money. Let me catch everyone up on the e mails I've received:
---------------------------------------------
Attn: Mr. Shane,

[What you have to do is to print out the Form and complete it with hand written. As soon as you print out the Form, fill it with a pen and send it back by e-mail attachment or by fax number: +225 21 56 00 72.]

They have me cornered now. I could fill it out with a bunch of fake information, but that's too much work at this point.

[You should not send the money by money order but you should send it by western union or by the bank information which shall send to you if you can not make transfer by western union.]

Maybe I should get their bank information and forward it to the FBI.

[We have signed your ownership certificate and you are advised to urgently send the documentation fee so that the documents can be completed in your name to enable our remittance office complete your transfer.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
Fax: +225 21 56 00 72
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]
---------------------------------------------------

I got this second e mail from Dr. Williams the next day:

--------------------------------------------------

[Attn: Mr. Shane

This information is the account you need to make the payment for the documentation fee. You should transfer the fund to our acredited broker who will sign the
documents in your name and we shall ensure that this matter is completed next week immeditely we receive the official fee.]

Accredited by who? The International Crook Society?

[The Account Information which you need to make transfer is listed below:

Bank Name: SIB MARCORY.]

I did a Google search for this "bank" and came up with nothing. They could at least make an effort.

[FILIALE DU GROUPE CREDIT LYONNAIS.

ABIDJAN COTE D IVOIRE.

CODE BANQUE : 10007

CODE GUICHET: 01042

ACCOUNT NUMBER: 336645801000

CLE RIB: 71

SWIFT CODE: SIVBC1ABXXX

BENEFICIARY NAME: OBIAKOR LONGINUS.]

The beneficiary name is my favorite. I think I'll name my future son Obiakor.

[Urgently confirm the receipt of this information and make the transfer.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]
----------------------------------------------------

And now for Joy's e mail:
---------------------------------------------------

[Dearest Shane,

Thank you for your email, I will send you my pictures as soon as on Saturday. I wanted to send it today but there was a connection problem. I will send it to you tomorrow.

Sincerely yours

Joy]

Sweet!
--------------------------------------------------------

And then on Saturday....

[Dearest Shane,

I will be happy to hear from you as soon as you come back from your business trip ok. Please I will like o talk with you over the phone and I want you to give me your direct phone line so that I can always call you.]

I get the feeling that if I give her my number and don't send the money, she will be always calling me. No dice.

[I have attached one of my picture, I send you more ok.

I miss you.

Sincerely yours,

Joy]

The attached picture was just a crappy closeup of her face, taken from the same picture she already sent. how stupid do they think I am?!?! Ok, pretty stupid, but come on.
-----------------------------------------------

My replies to follow.

Growing Impatient

Dr. Williams is growing impatient with my doofusness. I just received this e mail:
----------------------------------------------------------------

[Attn: Mr. Shane,

For your information, Miss. Joy came to my office today and I want to inform you that she is getting better from her illness.]

She must have taken the Vitamin C drops like I suggested.

[I want you to hurry up so that this fund can be transferred as soon as possible to enable her travel out of this country because of her condition here. I have assured her that the transfer will be done immediately all the transfer documents are signed.]

Pushy pushy. What's the rush, we've only been at this a couple weeks now.

[You should urgently send the documents fee of US$1,900 so that we can get the documents in your name.]

...and get high on crack cocaine


[Secondly, I did not send the Form by mail but I have sent it to you by
e-mail attachment and you can find the Form in this e-mail once again.]

Now I have to decide whether I ask them to mail it to me, or (as mentioned by one of my readers) pretend like I sent it and then claim it was sent back marked Unknown Address. Any ideas?

[Immediately you receive this e-mail, make arrangement to transfer the fund
so that we can get the Documents in your name and make the transfer.

Waiting for your urgent reponse.]

Seems they are growing tired of this game. Just wait, I can do this for months.

[Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,]

------------------------------------

Here is my response:

Dear Dr. Williams,

I think I understand now. I thought you were merely sending a picture of what the document looks like, since it came as a .jpg file and not a document. What I'm unsure of is how I am supposed to type my information onto a picture. Could you please send the form as a Word document so I can access it and type in my information.

I am leaving on a business trip to Las Vegas in a few hours, so I'll have to fill out the new form when I get back. I assume you want me to send the money order with this completed form.

Shane

--------------------------------------

Your move Dr. Williams... meanwhile, I am leaving for Vegas this afternoon, so stay tuned for reports on Poker, Buffets, and March Madness.

Sweet Joy

I got this message from Joy yesterday:

[My dearest Shane,

Thank you so much for your email, I am getting better to day and I want to thank you for caring for me.]

She must be confusing me with Dr. Williams Esquire.

[I am always happy each time I received your email and it will be my happiness to meet with you face to face.]

My friends would crap their pants if I suddenly showed up at our next get-together with Joy on my arm. (and not just because of my newfound jungle fever)

[Dearest, I have not been able to visit the office of Dr. Williams because of my health condition but I am getting better today. Please let me know your communications with him so that I can visit his office tomorrow. I will send you my pictures as soon as I fully recover from my ill health ok.]

She can reply to my e mails and visit the bank, but she can't muster up enough strength to add an attachment? What gives!??!

[Please take good care of yourself and have a pleasant day.]

Sincerely yours

Joy.]

She cares!

-----------------------------------------------

Ok, here's today's reply.
-----------------------------------------------
Sweet Joy,

What great news to hear you are feeling better and will be out and about today. I'm especially excited because that means you'll have the strength to send me some new pictures. I sense that you were very close with your family before their tragic deaths. I'd love to see a family picture. I bet you get your looks from your mother.

Dr. Williams informed me that the documents he has for me are on the way. I'm keeping my eye on my work mailbox to see when they arrive. I assume he sent them express.

I'm leaving on a business trip this afternoon for Las Vegas, so I won't be able to check my e mail until I get back on Sunday. I'm sure I'll have your pictures and Dr. Williams' documents waiting for me when I get back.

Love Shane

---------------------------------------------

I wonder what her next excuse will be for not sending pictures. If anyone can think of another way I can inconvenience these people besides harassing them to send me pictures they don't have, please let me know. I'm open to all ideas.

Bogus Form

Here is their bogus bank form.

Dr. Williams Gets Greedy

No word from Joy since the mention of money. I'm going to ignore this e mail today and let them sweat a little. Hopefully they'll send in Joy to sweet talk me some more. They completely ignored my request to send the paperwork through the mail, sending me a jpg. document to fill out instead. I'll post it after I get home today.

[Attn: Mr. Shane,

This is to confirm the receipt of your e-mail with information duly noted.]

Why does he say that every time?? It's the most annoying sentence ever.

[For your information, we have sent your transfer application letter to our International Remittance Office and you are required to urgently send the total sum of US$1,900 to enable us obtain and legalize the Transfer Authorization Letter, Tax Certificate and Legal Transfer Affidavit of Oath.]

Well, if the International Remittance Office has my letter, then it must be official.

[Immediately these documents are obtained, we shall process your transfer and urgently give you the date of fund transfer and you shall confirm the fund into your bank account within four (4) working days of fund transfer.]

I'm almost rich!!!

[You are hereby advised to complete the attached form and send it back to us by fax or e-mail attachment.]

Not a chance. I'm going to reply tomorrow or after Joy writes me, which ever comes first, and request the form through the mail.

[For quick confirmation, you should transfer the documentation fee of US$1,900 by Western Union Money Transfer to the name of our secretary (MRS. AMONIN ADJO DORRIS) and immediately you make the transfer by western union, send the transfer information to us by e-mail for confirmatioin.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]

Why is it that they are able to transfer 4.5 million into my account, and yet they need me to send them the $1900 in a money order?

Oh, I just got an idea. Here's my reply to them:
--------------------------------------------------

Dr. Williams,

I'm a little worried about Joy. I haven't heard from her in awhile and I'm afraid something might have happened. She mentioned some things about political turmoil and blackouts. Also, she was ill the other day and may have gotten worse. Please send my regards to her and let her know I hope she's ok.

I take it from your last e mail that you sent the form. I'll be checking my work mailbox in the next few days to see if the mailman has brought it. Until then,

Shane
----------------------------------------------------

This should really agitate them.

FINALLY!

Just when I thought it was all over, Dr. Williams sends me this:

[Attn: Mr. Shane,

This is to confirm the receipt of your e-mail with information duly noted. All the transfer documents shall be obtained and signed here in your name as the fund receiver and I want you to understand that we shall obtain the Tax Certificate from Inland Tax Revenue Office. While the Affidavit of Oath and Transfer Authorzation Letter shall be obtained from Ministry of Justice here.]

Here it comes! The long awaited scam. It's about time.

[1. The Tax Certificate shall be obtained from the Tax Revenue Office at
the Total cost of US$1,200.

2. The Affidavit of Oath and Official Stamps for Transfer Application
shall cost you the tatal sum of US$700.]

The question now is--how do I play this? I've got to put him off until I can make them send me more fake pictures of Joy.

[Therefore, you are advised to pay the total sum of US$1,900 for the legal documentation fee.
Immediately you confirm the receipt of this e-mail, we shall send you our official account form to enable you complete it with the needed information. We shall also advice you on how to send this fee to enable us obtain the documents in your favor.]

My goal now is to get them to send me the documents through the mail so I can screw them for postage.

[Regards,
Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]

Here is my reply:
-------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Williams,

This is my official reply to your e mail. Go ahead and send the official account form to the address I gave you in my last e mail. I'll look for it in my business mail box.

Shane

-----------------------------------------------------

I hope Joy writes soon. I miss her.

Joy Replies in a Hurry

Here is Joy's reply that I received minutes after replying to "Dr. Williams" -- This is getting good.

-------------------------------------

[Dearest Shane,

Thank you so much for your email and the picture, I must say that you are a very handsome man too and I love your picture.]

Yes! Some African thugs think I'm hot!

[Thank you for sending your pictures to me and I will be so happy to meet with you in your country as soon as this transaction is completed. I could not send you an email yesterday because I was sick but I'm getting better now.]

Way to be creative. Sick? After all the political turmoil, power failures, and assassination attempts, I thought she could have at least come up with a hurricane story or famine. Plus, no mention of the photos I asked her for... I'll have to be more persistent next time.

[Dearest, Please, I want you to contact Dr. Williams and cooperate with him so that the transfer can be completed as soon as possible because I want to leave this country as soon as possible.]

Yeah yeah yeah. Stop being so pushy. Besides, you already know I answered his e mail minutes ago.

[You have to understand my condition here and I will be so happy to travel out of this place after the transfer of the fund. What work do you do over there? and how old are you?]

Time for some more lies. My reply will be forthcoming.

[Please, as soon as you contact Dr. Williams, keep me informed with your communications with him.

Sincerely yours
Joy]

An overall weak e mail. I need to mix things up a bit. Here is my reply:
-------------------------------------------------

Hi Joy,

I'm glad you like my pictures. I thought you'd be sending some of yourself in this e mail. I'm sure you are just as beautiful outside the studio as you are inside of it. I would really like a few everyday type pictures of you. I promise to send another one of me if you do :)

I hope you're feeling better. I hate getting sick. You should take some of those vitamin C drops. They really help fight the cold. I'm not sure whether or not you have those down there though.

I actually replied to Dr. Williams today and sent the information he requested. I am 31 and work at a health food company. I just started there, so I'm still catching up on bills, but I should be ok come April, because I will receive my inheritance from my grandma by then. I was her favorite grandson and she left me almost everything. I didn't want to mention it before, but that's why I said I'd only need a small amount of your fund to help cover costs. I'll be fine financially and won't need your money. But I will gain a new friend, and maybe more.... :) :)

I can't wait to hear back from you and see some new pictures of you in your everyday life. Until then,

Shane
-------------------------------------

I'll bet they can hardly contain themselves thinking about getting their thieving hands all over my grandma's make believe money. If Joy doesn't send some new pictures next e mail, I'm gonna pretend like I'm getting my feelings hurt.

A Fool and His Money...

Here is my reply to Dr. Williams e mail:

------------------------------------------------
Dr. Williams,

You mentioned an Inland Tax Certificate and Affidavit of Oath in my name. I'm afraid to say I don't know what those things are. I've never been very good with complicated legal matters. Should I see if they have these forms on file down at my City Hall? They might be able to walk me through them.

Also, will it cost me money to obtain these documents, because I'm a little short until the end of the month. I should be ok in April though, cause I just had a grandparent pass away and leave me a nice inheritance. The paperwork should be processed by April and then I'll have more than enough to cover my expenses.

Here are the answers to your questions:

1. Shane XXXXXXX
2. XXXX W. XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
XXXXXX, UT 8XXXX
3. 801-XXX-XXXX
4. Identification Card No. 9XX10001XXXX71

If you hear from Joy, tell her I'm anxiously waiting for a reply to my last e mail. Thanks,

Shane
------------------------------------------------

I'm still playing the sucker they think I am, but I added the idea of money to the mix. I'm hoping the thought of inherited wealth will get them excited. Could there be an easier mark than this fake me?

The questions were tough to answer.

I used a slight misspelling of the company name I work for as my last name, and my business address. That way, if they send me anything, which I hope they do, it will look like it's merely being sent to my attention at my company, and will be delivered to my desk. (hopefully without being opened first) I left out that name and address to protect my privacy from blog readers. :)

The phone number is bogus. I hope they don't call it. The ID number is from my Blockbuster membership card. They better not rack up any more late fees. Oh wait, Blockbuster ended their late fees. Now they just charge you for the cost of the movie itself. But that's a blog post for another day.

Geez... My Yahoo pop-up just let me know that Joy replied. It's just minutes after I wrote Dr. Williams. What a coincidence! I'm gonna go read it.

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.

Dr. Williams finally wrote me. I was beginning to think they caught on and had given up on me. In my usual fashion, I will post his e mail in sections and follow with my snide comments.

[Attn: Sir/Madame,

(Shane),]

I guess she didn't bother to tell him what gender I was.

[This is to confirm the receipt of your e-mail with information duly noted. I have carefully read your received e-mail.]

It was like 3 sentences and didn't have any big words. How careful does one have to be?

[Miss. Joy Kulibaly has been to our office and expressed her intention to transfer the deposited fund to your account. We shall be at your best service to ensure that the transfer is done to
your account immediately all the transfer obligations are completed.]

I could make a fortune down there teaching English grammar.

[Prior to the date of transfer, we have to obtain the Inland Tax Certificate and Affidavit of oath in your name as the fund receiver.]

The what???? Oh wait, I've got one of those in my back pocket.

[These documents are needed to ensure that the transfer is confirmed into your bank account within four (4) working days from the date of transfer. And we shall also open a non-residence account in your name immediately the transfer documents are signed.]

What am I supposed to do with a checking account in the Ivory Coast? I wonder if they have good interest rates down there.

[We want you to send the following information below to enable us obtain the required documents and also open a non-residence account in your name.]

Here it comes!!! I feel the scammy part of the scam coming on.

[1. You should send your full Legal name.

2. Your Office or Residence Address.

3. Your direct Phone Number.

4. Your International passport or working identification card.]


I'm going to have to give some real thought as to what I do at this point. It's going to be difficult to keep this going when I give them fake information.

[Immediately this is received, we shall give you more information on this transaction.

Waiting for your information.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]

Hmmm... I'm off to craft my response. Stay tuned for it.

More Joy

This is going on longer than I expected it to. When are they going to ask me for my bank account number, pin number, and mother's maiden name? Let's get it on already.

[Dearest Shane,

I felt greatly impressed reading from you today and I want to thank you for all your efforts in helping me.]

You mean in wasting your valuable crook time?

[Thank you for contacting Dr. Williams in the bank, with his help, the fund will be transferred. Please always cooperate with him and keep me informed as soon as you hear from him.]

Always cooperate huh. Will Dr. Williams get angry if I refuse? Will I not like Dr. Williams when he's angry? Should I be wearing shin and knee guards?

[I have attached my picture with this email too, I hope to see yours in your next email.]

Crap! Now I have to send my picture. I have to assume they've checked out my Yahoo profile, in which case I'll send her the same photo on there. She attached two more photos with this e mail, but they were both similar to the first one she sent. She's standing in front of the blue sheet. I won't bother posting them.

[There was political crisis in this country through last week but everything is getting better now.]

When is there not political crisis in the Ivory Coast?

[Iam just praying to leave this country as soon as posible to enable join you. I will wait to hear from you soon.]

Join me? Does she realize I live in Utah?

[Take good care of yourself and let all the information I have given you about this fund be keep private till the fund is confirmed into your bank account and I will be happy to meet with you as soon as the fund is transferred.

God bless you.
Sincerely yours,
Joy]

By "keep it private", do you mean not posting our correspondence on my blog?

My reply was this:

Joy,

Thanks for the pictures, although I was hoping there would be some of you around your city or with friends. I'm interested in what life is like in the Ivory Coast. I've attached two photos of myself to show you what I mean. The first is me in the mountains, and the second was taken at the Grand Canyon. Do you have any photos of yourself at a big monument or a pretty site in Africa? Hope you like my pictures.

Kind regards,
Shane

I decided to add two photos where my features aren't very clear, but I'm out in nature. This legitimizes my request to have her send me some photos like that, which I know they don't have. My desire is to make them have to go out and take some bogus photos or at least doctor some with Photoshop.

Getting in deeper

Here are my replies:

Dr. Williams,

I am writing you on behalf of Joy Kulibaly. She wanted me to contact you about transferring some funds to me here in the States.

I'll await your reply.

Shane

------------------------------------------------------

Joy,

Thanks for sending your picture. You are very attractive. I'm sure you'd be very successful here in the United States at whatever you decide to do.

I got home from work a short time ago and finally had time to write. I am going to dinner at a friends house tonight. What have you been up to?

I just wrote Dr. Williams an e mail and am waiting for his reply. I prefer to deal with him through e mail rather than pay for expensive international calls.

I was hoping you might send more pictures with your next e mail. Maybe some of you around your city or with friends. I don't know very much about the Ivory Coast. Write back soon!!

Shane

JOY

Joy Replies

They took the bait... or I did, I'm not sure. But I got a response rather quickly from my African sweetheart Joy. I thought the scam part of the con would kick in rather quickly, but it appears they are taking things slow with me, so as not to frighten me off. Once again, I will copy parts of her e mail followed by my snide comments.

[Dearest Shane,

Thank you so much for your email, how are you and your activities today?]

Actually, things are pretty slow at work, so I find myself replying to junk mail for kicks.

[I hope fine in good condition. I'm sorry for my late response to your email, I could not response to your email because of the connection problem and power failure in my area.]

Late response? She answered me in less than 2 hours.

[I don't know to appreciate your help and care over my request but I will be happy to meet with you as soon as this fund is transferred to your account show my appreciation to you.]

Show me how? Am I being propositioned?

[Since after the untimely death of my parents, all I have ever wanted is to belong to a new family circle once again and go back to school.]

Again with the family overtones. I can never tell if she wants to get it on or have me adopt her.

[After reading your email, I visited the bank and I am just coming back when I decided to send you an email to inform you my discussions with the operations director (Dr. Williams). ]

Was it a bank or a hospital?

[I was so much happy telling him about you, I made him to understand that you are a family friend abroad who will be receiving the fund on my behalf in your account and he requested me to send the Certificate of deposit to his office and I will do it tomorrow morning.]

Slow down sister. I never said anything about my account. Can't you just send me a check for the whole 4.5 million?

[As soon as I come back from his office, I will also send the documents to you too.
According to him, he said that all we have to do is to follow his instructions, he said that he will advice you on what to do as soon as you contact him.]

Great, now I have to deal with a fake doctor/banker. What documents?

[According to him, they will issue you some transfer documents and the bank will have to send it directly to you because the fund will be transferred into your account as the co-beneficiary after I have signed an ownership certificate of the fund.]

If they think I'm giving them my bank account number, they are sadly mistaken. Actually, they would be sadly mistaken even if I did give it to them (as I'm broke)

[He asked me to forward his contact address to you so that you can contact him for more information. Please I want you to contact him on my behalf because he will be representing us in the bank and I have pleaded with him and I thank God that he is a God fearing and understanding man.]

Why would she have to plead with the "operations director"? Isn't that his job?

[With his assistance and advice, this fund will be transferred as soon as possible to enable me leave this country.]

How will transferring 4.5 million to me allow her to leave the country. They have these places called travel agencies you know.

[Please I want you to contact him on my behalf and discuss with him on this transfer so that he will advice you on what to do. His contacts as he gave to me is;]

What are you supposed to do with his contacts? Do you share the same eye prescription? Is he a doctor of optometry too?

[Dr. Williams,Tel: +225-0727-8448.
Email: legal@ciboa.net]

There's no way I'm calling this freak. I will e mail him however, and post it here. Also, ciboa.net is a bogus web address.

[I strongly believe that you are a God sent to me and I am counting on you for this help.]

I've been called some nice things before, but never a god.

[Please I want you to always inform me your discussions with him so that I will always know my stand. ]

You stand to lose about 4.5 million.

[I will have to leave you now till I hear from you. Thank for your understanding and God bless you in all you do.]

I've got two more fake e mails to write and then you'll have to wait for them to write me back to see where this all goes.

[I have attached my pictures to this email, I will send the certificate of deposit to you as soon as I get it from the bank.]

You mean picture, cause I only got one. It looks more legit than I thought it would. I'll be posting it asap.

[Sincerely yours,Joy Kulibaly.]

Crap! I just realized my blog link is at the bottom of every e mail I send out. Which means if these people had a clue, they would be reading this write now. Let's hope they don't.

My reply to Joy

I promise I will be getting back to my Hair Saga soon. I've been busy with work and replying to junk e mail of late. Here is my reply to Joy. It's perfect. If this doesn't get a reply, I don't know what will.

Joy,

Thanks for your honest and personal e mail. I realize it must be hard for you to share such tragic events with someone you hardly know. Rest assured I will keep what you shared private.

It's actually a miracle that you came across my profile and wrote me, as I am a very honest person and most people out there would likely see this as an opportunity to take advantage of you.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your parents and would be glad to help you in whatever capacity I am able. There is no need to offer promises of companionship or otherwise, as I would be content to just be friends. Again, others might read something like that and seek to take advantage of you, so be careful with your wording in the future.

As for the bank transfer, I have a couple local bank accounts, but I'm not sure how a transfer of such a large sum would work. I would only ask for a very small amount of the money to cover my time and any expense incurred. I'd be glad to help you invest the remaining amount in secure assets if you like.

It would be nice to hear a little more about yourself. What are you studying, what do you like to do for fun, etc. Also, I'd love to receive those photos you mentioned so I know who I'm writing.

I look forward to your reply,

Your new friend,

Shane

Penpal Lover

I can't tell you how sick I am of these e mails. I get them all the time, but this one is just over the top. How do they make it past my spam filter and who on earth would be dumb enough to actually get suckered by something this stupid? I'll paste in excerpts from the e mail and then comment.

[From: Joy Kulibaly Edward. E-Mail: joy_kulibaly01@yahoo.fr

Good to write you, I felg freatly impressed reading your profile and you have been the only person that I have begged for this help. And I strongly beleive that you will be of a very good help to me. ]

First of all, who the hell is Joy Kulibaly and what gave her the impression that she can trust me? Second, learn how to spell woman! Felg Freatly is so obviously misspelled, that it's obvious from the start that this e mail was typed out by some hacker thug trying to sound like an African mistress who can't speak English very well.

[I want you to believe me and come to my rescue, Is not really a proposal but I will say that I have a proposal for Mean while, I prayed to God before writing this letter, to asist me in getting a well reputable, honest and God fearing person to asist me on this.]

Hold up. Is the African thug proposing to me? Will my bachelor ways finally be coming to an end? *hope hope* ...and flattery will get you nowhere.

[You are the only person I'm writing on this matter. I will be your everlasting friend if you can help me on this proposal. I don't have any trusted person to do it for me following the death of my father. ]

Sure I'm the only person receiving this letter, me and a billion other random strangers who have their e mail addresses on every junk list from here to Calcutta.

[I also want to be your penpal lover if the deal can be work out find, I have a proposal for you, This, however, is not mandatory nor will I inany manner compel you to honour against your will.]

Penpal Lover???? What good is a penpal lover going to do me? And why is it dependent on this mysterious "deal" going through.

[I am Joy Kulibaly Edward. 22,years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs.Kulibaly Edward. ]

Sounds hot. Let's get married.

[My father was a highly reputable busnness magnet-(a cocoa merchant)who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad year 12th.Febuary 2003.]

Is there any other way to pass away in France?

[Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth!]

This is SOOO mysterious. It's like a bad spy novel, only without all the proofreading and plot.

[My mother died when I was just 4 years old, and since then my father took me so special.]

THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE!! Took you so special to the zoo? Took you so special on the couch? Do I need to call the authorities? Since we're getting married and all, should I be defending your honor?

[Before his death on Febuary 12 2003 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of Four million,Five hundred thousand United State Dollars(USD$4,500,000) left in fixed deposit account in one of the leading banks in Africa.]

The Bank of Lost Funds? The Bank of Genocide? The Bank of Ethnic Cleansing? Be specific woman!

[He further told him that he deposited the money in his name,and finally issued a written instruction to his lawyer whom he said is in possession of all the necessary but legal documents to this fund and the bank.I am just 22, years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do.]

A poor, defenseless girl with so much money. I should come to her rescue.

[Now I want an account overseas where I can transfer this funds. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast.]

What kind of set backs can you have with 4.5 mil in your bank account? You could BUY the freakin Ivory Coast with that kind of loot.

[The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.]

It did?!?!?!? Next you'll tell me you get wet when it rains.

[Sir,I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.]

As highly regarded as the ideas of a complete internet stranger giving one financial advice.

[Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly help me as your daughter?]

As my daughter?!?!? Whoa little lady. Just because your dad took liberties with you doesn't mean I'm willing to fill his shoes. Let's get back to that "penpal lover" and "proposal" stuff.

[2. Can I completely trust you?]

Not in the slightest.

[3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?]

How about all of it.

[If you can, we will know ourselves for ever.]

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?!?! If I let you send me 4.5 million we can know ourselves forever? In the Biblical sense? I'm so confused.

[I will be sending you my picture photos in my next mail. ]

Now we're talking! Nothing like a good set of redundant picture photos.

[I need urgent reply from you. If you promise not to disappoint me, I will not fail you in this new friendship. I hope being with you some day.]

She's such a tease.

[Please,Consider this and get back to me as soon aspossible. You can write me with this e-mail contact: ( joy_kulibaly01@yahoo.fr) ]

Oh, I'll be getting back to you alright. How else will I be able to post your fake photos to my blog?

[I hope that you will be a helper because playing around with this money may cost me to loose it. ]

My mom always said I was a good helper.

[I can confiled in you. write me so that I can discuss with my late father's financial advicer on how we can go about it. Thank you so much for your understanding.

Sincerely yours, Joy Kulibaly Edward.]

You certainly can confile in me, whatever that means. I'll be writing you asap.

Stay tuned for my reply to Joy's e mail...