Pictures of a Dead Man

Joy wrote me over the weekend. I'm amazed at how patient they are being with me. Once I squeeze a few more fake pictures out of them I'll up the ante.
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[Dearest Shane,

I am always happy each time I read your email and I want to thank you for your cares.
I am getting better now but I will still visit the hospital tomorrow.]

She's gonna blow her whole wad on hospital fees before she even leaves the country.

[Regarding your question, I am a Christain and I worship with the Appolostolic Christ.]

Not bad. I need to make it harder to answer next time.

[I will send you the pictures of my late father by tomorrow.]

Huh?!?! At what point did I say: "Hey Joy, send me some pictures of your dead father"?

[I have lost some of the pictures I took with them before their death. But I will send you the pictures tomorrow.

Sincerely Yours
Joy.]

I can hardly wait.

Here is my reply:
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Joy,

It's a good thing you have so much money in the bank so that you can pay for all these hospital fees. Do they have medical insurance down there?

I'm not very familiar with the Appolostolic church. What are your beliefs about where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going? How do you become a member? I don't think I mentioned it before, but I'm Jewish.

I think it will be nice to see a photo of your father, but as I've mentioned many many times before, I'd much rather receive some more pictures of you out and about. Just some normal photos of you at your home, outside, or with friends. I'd be glad to do the same if you request it.

Hope to see them soon,

Shane
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Your move Joy...

More Excuses

My patience is running thin with Joy's excuses. Here's today's response:

[Dearest Shane,

I am happy reading your email today and i want to thank you for your cares. you are wellcome from your trip and I'm happy that you are are doing fine.]

Just wait till I drop the bomb about me losing my shirt in Vegas.

[Honey, I have been very sick since three days now and I have to be admited at the hospital because one of the sisters in my church saw my condition and helpt me and sent me to the hospital.]

She hasn't mentioned church until now. I'm going to make her elaborate about her religion.

[The doctor said that I have high blood preasure but I am getting better. I just manage to come out to send you this email and also say "Hollo" to you.]

"Ah, nurse. I'd like to be wheeled to the nearest Internet cafe please." Hollo to you too Joy.

[I will send you my picture as soon as I leave the hospital. After this email, I have to return back to the hospital because I have to finish with my drugs as the doctor recommended me.]

She must be smoking some serious crack back at the hospital if she still thinks this is a legit conversation between a con artist and a wealthy sucker.

[I called the offfice of Dr. Williams and he told me that as soon as he receive the documentation fee from you, he will obtain the transfer documents in your name and I want you to please hurry up ok.]

Speaking of hurrying up: SEND ME THOSE PHOTOS AND STOP GETTING SICK!!!

[I love you so much and I will be very happy to meet with you face to face.]

Sincerely yours,

Joy]

Whoa! I think we just expanded our relationship.

Here's my reply:

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Joy,

I'm sorry to hear about your ill health again. Are you sure your government will let you leave
the country in such poor condition? I'm glad you have the help of your church to fall back on. What religion do you belong to and what are some of your beliefs?

Hope to see the pictures we've been talking about soon.

Shane
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That's right. Not a single mention of the money or Dr. Williams. It's going to drive them nuts. Plus, now they have to come up with a bunch of religious mumbo jumbo... and when they do, I'll spring on them that I'm Jewish and I'm not sure my rabbi will approve of our relationship. Bring it Joy.

Dragging My Feet

Here are my replies:

Dr. Williams,

I've been swamped at work since getting home from Vegas. I have a work deadline that I have to meet by the end of this week. I'll get that document and payment to you as soon as possible. Thanks for understanding,

Shane

-----------------------------

I decided to put Dr. Williams off a bit so I can make Joy squirm a bit more:

Joy,

Vegas was an interesting trip. I'll have to tell you about it later when I have more time. I've been really busy at work since I got back. I have an important deadline to meet by the end of this week.

I got your picture but was saddened to find it was simply a close up of a previous photo you sent. Was it rude of me to ask for the pictures I wanted before?
I hope not, because I'd love to see more of you in your everyday life with friends, family, and around your city.

I'm hoping to get Dr. Williams everything he needs soon.

Shane
--------------------------------

My goal with this e mail was to sound more distant than before, as if I'm losing interest, which I am. Since she said new photos were on the way, I want to motivate her to send those. After that, my plan is to fabricate a story about how I lost everything in Vegas, including my house and car. I'll say how I was too ashamed to admit it before, and therefore cannot come up with the money to pay the document fees. I'll ask her to loan me some money from her fund to cover the fees (by Western Union money order of course) and see how they react.

Now I'm Growing Impatient

My interest with the scammers is growing thin. It's becoming too much work to counter their attempts to steal my imaginary money. Let me catch everyone up on the e mails I've received:
---------------------------------------------
Attn: Mr. Shane,

[What you have to do is to print out the Form and complete it with hand written. As soon as you print out the Form, fill it with a pen and send it back by e-mail attachment or by fax number: +225 21 56 00 72.]

They have me cornered now. I could fill it out with a bunch of fake information, but that's too much work at this point.

[You should not send the money by money order but you should send it by western union or by the bank information which shall send to you if you can not make transfer by western union.]

Maybe I should get their bank information and forward it to the FBI.

[We have signed your ownership certificate and you are advised to urgently send the documentation fee so that the documents can be completed in your name to enable our remittance office complete your transfer.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
Fax: +225 21 56 00 72
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]
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I got this second e mail from Dr. Williams the next day:

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[Attn: Mr. Shane

This information is the account you need to make the payment for the documentation fee. You should transfer the fund to our acredited broker who will sign the
documents in your name and we shall ensure that this matter is completed next week immeditely we receive the official fee.]

Accredited by who? The International Crook Society?

[The Account Information which you need to make transfer is listed below:

Bank Name: SIB MARCORY.]

I did a Google search for this "bank" and came up with nothing. They could at least make an effort.

[FILIALE DU GROUPE CREDIT LYONNAIS.

ABIDJAN COTE D IVOIRE.

CODE BANQUE : 10007

CODE GUICHET: 01042

ACCOUNT NUMBER: 336645801000

CLE RIB: 71

SWIFT CODE: SIVBC1ABXXX

BENEFICIARY NAME: OBIAKOR LONGINUS.]

The beneficiary name is my favorite. I think I'll name my future son Obiakor.

[Urgently confirm the receipt of this information and make the transfer.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]
----------------------------------------------------

And now for Joy's e mail:
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[Dearest Shane,

Thank you for your email, I will send you my pictures as soon as on Saturday. I wanted to send it today but there was a connection problem. I will send it to you tomorrow.

Sincerely yours

Joy]

Sweet!
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And then on Saturday....

[Dearest Shane,

I will be happy to hear from you as soon as you come back from your business trip ok. Please I will like o talk with you over the phone and I want you to give me your direct phone line so that I can always call you.]

I get the feeling that if I give her my number and don't send the money, she will be always calling me. No dice.

[I have attached one of my picture, I send you more ok.

I miss you.

Sincerely yours,

Joy]

The attached picture was just a crappy closeup of her face, taken from the same picture she already sent. how stupid do they think I am?!?! Ok, pretty stupid, but come on.
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My replies to follow.

Growing Impatient

Dr. Williams is growing impatient with my doofusness. I just received this e mail:
----------------------------------------------------------------

[Attn: Mr. Shane,

For your information, Miss. Joy came to my office today and I want to inform you that she is getting better from her illness.]

She must have taken the Vitamin C drops like I suggested.

[I want you to hurry up so that this fund can be transferred as soon as possible to enable her travel out of this country because of her condition here. I have assured her that the transfer will be done immediately all the transfer documents are signed.]

Pushy pushy. What's the rush, we've only been at this a couple weeks now.

[You should urgently send the documents fee of US$1,900 so that we can get the documents in your name.]

...and get high on crack cocaine


[Secondly, I did not send the Form by mail but I have sent it to you by
e-mail attachment and you can find the Form in this e-mail once again.]

Now I have to decide whether I ask them to mail it to me, or (as mentioned by one of my readers) pretend like I sent it and then claim it was sent back marked Unknown Address. Any ideas?

[Immediately you receive this e-mail, make arrangement to transfer the fund
so that we can get the Documents in your name and make the transfer.

Waiting for your urgent reponse.]

Seems they are growing tired of this game. Just wait, I can do this for months.

[Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,]

------------------------------------

Here is my response:

Dear Dr. Williams,

I think I understand now. I thought you were merely sending a picture of what the document looks like, since it came as a .jpg file and not a document. What I'm unsure of is how I am supposed to type my information onto a picture. Could you please send the form as a Word document so I can access it and type in my information.

I am leaving on a business trip to Las Vegas in a few hours, so I'll have to fill out the new form when I get back. I assume you want me to send the money order with this completed form.

Shane

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Your move Dr. Williams... meanwhile, I am leaving for Vegas this afternoon, so stay tuned for reports on Poker, Buffets, and March Madness.

Dr. Williams Gets Greedy

No word from Joy since the mention of money. I'm going to ignore this e mail today and let them sweat a little. Hopefully they'll send in Joy to sweet talk me some more. They completely ignored my request to send the paperwork through the mail, sending me a jpg. document to fill out instead. I'll post it after I get home today.

[Attn: Mr. Shane,

This is to confirm the receipt of your e-mail with information duly noted.]

Why does he say that every time?? It's the most annoying sentence ever.

[For your information, we have sent your transfer application letter to our International Remittance Office and you are required to urgently send the total sum of US$1,900 to enable us obtain and legalize the Transfer Authorization Letter, Tax Certificate and Legal Transfer Affidavit of Oath.]

Well, if the International Remittance Office has my letter, then it must be official.

[Immediately these documents are obtained, we shall process your transfer and urgently give you the date of fund transfer and you shall confirm the fund into your bank account within four (4) working days of fund transfer.]

I'm almost rich!!!

[You are hereby advised to complete the attached form and send it back to us by fax or e-mail attachment.]

Not a chance. I'm going to reply tomorrow or after Joy writes me, which ever comes first, and request the form through the mail.

[For quick confirmation, you should transfer the documentation fee of US$1,900 by Western Union Money Transfer to the name of our secretary (MRS. AMONIN ADJO DORRIS) and immediately you make the transfer by western union, send the transfer information to us by e-mail for confirmatioin.

Regards,

Dr. Syril Peco Williams Esq.,
Tel: +225 07 27 84 48
E-Mail: legal@ciboa.net]

Why is it that they are able to transfer 4.5 million into my account, and yet they need me to send them the $1900 in a money order?

Oh, I just got an idea. Here's my reply to them:
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Dr. Williams,

I'm a little worried about Joy. I haven't heard from her in awhile and I'm afraid something might have happened. She mentioned some things about political turmoil and blackouts. Also, she was ill the other day and may have gotten worse. Please send my regards to her and let her know I hope she's ok.

I take it from your last e mail that you sent the form. I'll be checking my work mailbox in the next few days to see if the mailman has brought it. Until then,

Shane
----------------------------------------------------

This should really agitate them.

Joy Replies in a Hurry

Here is Joy's reply that I received minutes after replying to "Dr. Williams" -- This is getting good.

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[Dearest Shane,

Thank you so much for your email and the picture, I must say that you are a very handsome man too and I love your picture.]

Yes! Some African thugs think I'm hot!

[Thank you for sending your pictures to me and I will be so happy to meet with you in your country as soon as this transaction is completed. I could not send you an email yesterday because I was sick but I'm getting better now.]

Way to be creative. Sick? After all the political turmoil, power failures, and assassination attempts, I thought she could have at least come up with a hurricane story or famine. Plus, no mention of the photos I asked her for... I'll have to be more persistent next time.

[Dearest, Please, I want you to contact Dr. Williams and cooperate with him so that the transfer can be completed as soon as possible because I want to leave this country as soon as possible.]

Yeah yeah yeah. Stop being so pushy. Besides, you already know I answered his e mail minutes ago.

[You have to understand my condition here and I will be so happy to travel out of this place after the transfer of the fund. What work do you do over there? and how old are you?]

Time for some more lies. My reply will be forthcoming.

[Please, as soon as you contact Dr. Williams, keep me informed with your communications with him.

Sincerely yours
Joy]

An overall weak e mail. I need to mix things up a bit. Here is my reply:
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Hi Joy,

I'm glad you like my pictures. I thought you'd be sending some of yourself in this e mail. I'm sure you are just as beautiful outside the studio as you are inside of it. I would really like a few everyday type pictures of you. I promise to send another one of me if you do :)

I hope you're feeling better. I hate getting sick. You should take some of those vitamin C drops. They really help fight the cold. I'm not sure whether or not you have those down there though.

I actually replied to Dr. Williams today and sent the information he requested. I am 31 and work at a health food company. I just started there, so I'm still catching up on bills, but I should be ok come April, because I will receive my inheritance from my grandma by then. I was her favorite grandson and she left me almost everything. I didn't want to mention it before, but that's why I said I'd only need a small amount of your fund to help cover costs. I'll be fine financially and won't need your money. But I will gain a new friend, and maybe more.... :) :)

I can't wait to hear back from you and see some new pictures of you in your everyday life. Until then,

Shane
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I'll bet they can hardly contain themselves thinking about getting their thieving hands all over my grandma's make believe money. If Joy doesn't send some new pictures next e mail, I'm gonna pretend like I'm getting my feelings hurt.

A Fool and His Money...

Here is my reply to Dr. Williams e mail:

------------------------------------------------
Dr. Williams,

You mentioned an Inland Tax Certificate and Affidavit of Oath in my name. I'm afraid to say I don't know what those things are. I've never been very good with complicated legal matters. Should I see if they have these forms on file down at my City Hall? They might be able to walk me through them.

Also, will it cost me money to obtain these documents, because I'm a little short until the end of the month. I should be ok in April though, cause I just had a grandparent pass away and leave me a nice inheritance. The paperwork should be processed by April and then I'll have more than enough to cover my expenses.

Here are the answers to your questions:

1. Shane XXXXXXX
2. XXXX W. XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
XXXXXX, UT 8XXXX
3. 801-XXX-XXXX
4. Identification Card No. 9XX10001XXXX71

If you hear from Joy, tell her I'm anxiously waiting for a reply to my last e mail. Thanks,

Shane
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I'm still playing the sucker they think I am, but I added the idea of money to the mix. I'm hoping the thought of inherited wealth will get them excited. Could there be an easier mark than this fake me?

The questions were tough to answer.

I used a slight misspelling of the company name I work for as my last name, and my business address. That way, if they send me anything, which I hope they do, it will look like it's merely being sent to my attention at my company, and will be delivered to my desk. (hopefully without being opened first) I left out that name and address to protect my privacy from blog readers. :)

The phone number is bogus. I hope they don't call it. The ID number is from my Blockbuster membership card. They better not rack up any more late fees. Oh wait, Blockbuster ended their late fees. Now they just charge you for the cost of the movie itself. But that's a blog post for another day.

Geez... My Yahoo pop-up just let me know that Joy replied. It's just minutes after I wrote Dr. Williams. What a coincidence! I'm gonna go read it.

More Joy

This is going on longer than I expected it to. When are they going to ask me for my bank account number, pin number, and mother's maiden name? Let's get it on already.

[Dearest Shane,

I felt greatly impressed reading from you today and I want to thank you for all your efforts in helping me.]

You mean in wasting your valuable crook time?

[Thank you for contacting Dr. Williams in the bank, with his help, the fund will be transferred. Please always cooperate with him and keep me informed as soon as you hear from him.]

Always cooperate huh. Will Dr. Williams get angry if I refuse? Will I not like Dr. Williams when he's angry? Should I be wearing shin and knee guards?

[I have attached my picture with this email too, I hope to see yours in your next email.]

Crap! Now I have to send my picture. I have to assume they've checked out my Yahoo profile, in which case I'll send her the same photo on there. She attached two more photos with this e mail, but they were both similar to the first one she sent. She's standing in front of the blue sheet. I won't bother posting them.

[There was political crisis in this country through last week but everything is getting better now.]

When is there not political crisis in the Ivory Coast?

[Iam just praying to leave this country as soon as posible to enable join you. I will wait to hear from you soon.]

Join me? Does she realize I live in Utah?

[Take good care of yourself and let all the information I have given you about this fund be keep private till the fund is confirmed into your bank account and I will be happy to meet with you as soon as the fund is transferred.

God bless you.
Sincerely yours,
Joy]

By "keep it private", do you mean not posting our correspondence on my blog?

My reply was this:

Joy,

Thanks for the pictures, although I was hoping there would be some of you around your city or with friends. I'm interested in what life is like in the Ivory Coast. I've attached two photos of myself to show you what I mean. The first is me in the mountains, and the second was taken at the Grand Canyon. Do you have any photos of yourself at a big monument or a pretty site in Africa? Hope you like my pictures.

Kind regards,
Shane

I decided to add two photos where my features aren't very clear, but I'm out in nature. This legitimizes my request to have her send me some photos like that, which I know they don't have. My desire is to make them have to go out and take some bogus photos or at least doctor some with Photoshop.

Getting in deeper

Here are my replies:

Dr. Williams,

I am writing you on behalf of Joy Kulibaly. She wanted me to contact you about transferring some funds to me here in the States.

I'll await your reply.

Shane

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Joy,

Thanks for sending your picture. You are very attractive. I'm sure you'd be very successful here in the United States at whatever you decide to do.

I got home from work a short time ago and finally had time to write. I am going to dinner at a friends house tonight. What have you been up to?

I just wrote Dr. Williams an e mail and am waiting for his reply. I prefer to deal with him through e mail rather than pay for expensive international calls.

I was hoping you might send more pictures with your next e mail. Maybe some of you around your city or with friends. I don't know very much about the Ivory Coast. Write back soon!!

Shane

Joy Replies

They took the bait... or I did, I'm not sure. But I got a response rather quickly from my African sweetheart Joy. I thought the scam part of the con would kick in rather quickly, but it appears they are taking things slow with me, so as not to frighten me off. Once again, I will copy parts of her e mail followed by my snide comments.

[Dearest Shane,

Thank you so much for your email, how are you and your activities today?]

Actually, things are pretty slow at work, so I find myself replying to junk mail for kicks.

[I hope fine in good condition. I'm sorry for my late response to your email, I could not response to your email because of the connection problem and power failure in my area.]

Late response? She answered me in less than 2 hours.

[I don't know to appreciate your help and care over my request but I will be happy to meet with you as soon as this fund is transferred to your account show my appreciation to you.]

Show me how? Am I being propositioned?

[Since after the untimely death of my parents, all I have ever wanted is to belong to a new family circle once again and go back to school.]

Again with the family overtones. I can never tell if she wants to get it on or have me adopt her.

[After reading your email, I visited the bank and I am just coming back when I decided to send you an email to inform you my discussions with the operations director (Dr. Williams). ]

Was it a bank or a hospital?

[I was so much happy telling him about you, I made him to understand that you are a family friend abroad who will be receiving the fund on my behalf in your account and he requested me to send the Certificate of deposit to his office and I will do it tomorrow morning.]

Slow down sister. I never said anything about my account. Can't you just send me a check for the whole 4.5 million?

[As soon as I come back from his office, I will also send the documents to you too.
According to him, he said that all we have to do is to follow his instructions, he said that he will advice you on what to do as soon as you contact him.]

Great, now I have to deal with a fake doctor/banker. What documents?

[According to him, they will issue you some transfer documents and the bank will have to send it directly to you because the fund will be transferred into your account as the co-beneficiary after I have signed an ownership certificate of the fund.]

If they think I'm giving them my bank account number, they are sadly mistaken. Actually, they would be sadly mistaken even if I did give it to them (as I'm broke)

[He asked me to forward his contact address to you so that you can contact him for more information. Please I want you to contact him on my behalf because he will be representing us in the bank and I have pleaded with him and I thank God that he is a God fearing and understanding man.]

Why would she have to plead with the "operations director"? Isn't that his job?

[With his assistance and advice, this fund will be transferred as soon as possible to enable me leave this country.]

How will transferring 4.5 million to me allow her to leave the country. They have these places called travel agencies you know.

[Please I want you to contact him on my behalf and discuss with him on this transfer so that he will advice you on what to do. His contacts as he gave to me is;]

What are you supposed to do with his contacts? Do you share the same eye prescription? Is he a doctor of optometry too?

[Dr. Williams,Tel: +225-0727-8448.
Email: legal@ciboa.net]

There's no way I'm calling this freak. I will e mail him however, and post it here. Also, ciboa.net is a bogus web address.

[I strongly believe that you are a God sent to me and I am counting on you for this help.]

I've been called some nice things before, but never a god.

[Please I want you to always inform me your discussions with him so that I will always know my stand. ]

You stand to lose about 4.5 million.

[I will have to leave you now till I hear from you. Thank for your understanding and God bless you in all you do.]

I've got two more fake e mails to write and then you'll have to wait for them to write me back to see where this all goes.

[I have attached my pictures to this email, I will send the certificate of deposit to you as soon as I get it from the bank.]

You mean picture, cause I only got one. It looks more legit than I thought it would. I'll be posting it asap.

[Sincerely yours,Joy Kulibaly.]

Crap! I just realized my blog link is at the bottom of every e mail I send out. Which means if these people had a clue, they would be reading this write now. Let's hope they don't.