Cat Tales

It was a rough day at work yesterday. I had a friend at lunch tell me the cat might start screaming out, drawing attention to it. What if it died in the cage? What if it pooped all over itself?

Then my uncle, who is a true animal lover, offered me $200 to release the cat and never do this again. While it was a very generous and tempting offer, I decided I'd rather not drive around in a dirty car for years to come. Besides, it put me in the worst mood every morning right before driving to work. Since I'm already prone to severe road rage, the last thing I need is an additional catalyst before I even get behind the wheel.

I called Animal Control to schedule a pickup after work, but they told me they don't schedule. They just come when they can. Plus, they aren't allowed to go into a garage or shed. They said I'd have to bring it in myself or keep it another day. Great! The last thing I wanted to do is move the cat around again or worse, put the fur shedding machine inside my car.

Pulling into the driveway, I was dismayed to see the old lady next door pulling weeds in her front yard... within perfect view of the shed and my car. I went inside to think. Decided to get the cat some water asap. Brought a bowl out and opened the door. Thankfully the cat was ok and there was no poo in sight. Cracked the cage door open enough to slide the water bowl in, but the car went crazy again and knocked it over. Fine.

My window of opportunity arrived when my neighbor hobbled inside for a drink or something. Placed a towel down in my trunk and grabbed the cage. I wore leather gloves this time so I could hold the cage better without fear of being clawed. I have to admit, I did feel guilty when I shut the trunk on the poor kitty. Reminded me of a scene from Goodfellas.

I was just in time, as the old lady was making her way back out. Quickly started up the engine and turned on the stereo to cover up any potential cat noises. Drove across town to Animal Control. Thoughts that went through my head on the way there:

1. What if I get pulled over and the cop says: "Pop the trunk"
2. What if the cat pukes all over my interior?
3. What if I get rear ended?
4. What if the cat passes out from the heat? I'm not giving it mouth to mouth.
5. What if the owners are there looking for their cat when I arrive?

None of that stuff happened.

The cat was calm when I brought it out of my trunk, probably because of the blinding sunlight. Carried it inside and got my $50 deposit back. Not that it will make cat lovers feel any better, but the cat wasn't wearing a collar, nor was it groomed in any way. It was a huge ball of fur that hadn't been brushed in ages and looked to be a wild cat from all appearances.

And so ends my cat story. At least I hope it ends here.